Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Binge Danger Zones

This morning I made a sort of mash-up between the Healthy Spelt Pancakes for One and the Spiced Up and Stacked Pancakes by OhSheGlows, which I've been wanting to do for a while. Basically, unsweetened almond milk, whole wheat flour, and some spices. I barely made it halfway through, and these are supposed to be single serving. Just dense, perhaps? I alternated between two different syrups. One, my perennial favorite, standard thick sugary syrup. The other, I decided to dress up some pure maple syrup with some PB2. I'm not a huge fan yet of pure maple syrup on its own, but once I let these two combine, it was magic. Any thoughts on how maple syrup would fare on a hot skillet? Because I feel like this combo would be a wonderful marinade for my sauteed tofu.

As I said, I've been wanting to make these for several weeks, but I've been putting it off because, no matter how healthy they might actually be, it's hard to feel like I'm staying on track when I'm eating pancakes! But this morning, I decided they might actually be a proactive, preventative necessity. I've got some extended periods to myself coming up for the next few days, that I have known about for some time. All week, as they approached, I found that little voice in the back of my head excitedly planning all of the uninterrupted bingeing I could do. Some of this is latent habit- in previous times of living with people, I have always taken "advantage" of large chunks of solitude, because I don't have to worry about hiding my food. [A key part of binge eating, by the way- shame about eating, so you eat in secret, hidden places. You know when you take a candy bar or cookie into a bathroom stall that you have a problem] I also have had the binge urge creeping up a lot in the past week or so. I slightly gave into it over the weekend, when I talked a friend into making a whole batch of cookie dough, but I didn't go whole hog. I ate to the point of feeling uncomfortable, yes, but then I stopped. Normally, I go through about three cycles of eating to the point of serious discomfort, waiting about ten minutes until it fades, and then re-gorging to discomfort, etc. etc. So, perhaps this was a mini-binge? Or maybe this was just they way normal people overeat. That would be exciting.

So the pancakes this morning were to feel indulgent and maybe even a bit naughty, but while still being healthy. Hopefully, this will help me hold off a run to the local grocery later today. I'm also considering finally having some Top Ramen again- this is one of my biggest comfort foods (only Oriental flavor, eaten chopped up and scooped onto Wheat Thins), but is pretty much nothing but empty carbs. And if I'm not going to give up grain carbs like all of the weight loss programs suggest, then I at least need to be eating whole grain carbs. But maybe, when I'm in such a vulnerable state, eating unhealthy but portion-controlled will be the key? Or should I try powering through on just super healthy stuff? I'm worried about that backfiring right now. It hasn't been a problem for the past month, but I'm worried about getting to my last alone session and panicking over the end of a chance to eat poorly and loading up on cake and chips in one huge binge session.

Still working on that.

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