Giant Post of Update- and a Bike!

I have landed once more in the Lone Star State, to start my senior year. I've got my own place, with my own kitchen, which is nice. I went a little crazy with junk food and binging during my first week here (interesting factoid: brownies make me uncomfortably full significantly faster than other foods, at smaller quantities even). But it's really been eating at me for several days now, and the arrival of my bike coincides nicely with my revived interest in being healthy and fit and generally smart about how I am treating my body.

So that's probably the biggest news: I have a cardio machine! I mentioned to my parents that I was looking on Craigslist for a recumbent bike to get for myself, and they decided to help me get a nice one. It isn't one of the $300 or $600 ones, but it is a good, solid, highly rated bike. I was figuring it wouldn't have enough resistance to do High-Intensity Interval Training, but until I really build up on it, I think the top resistance level will definitely do the trick for HIIT. Putting together the bike took somewhere in the range of an hour, give or take (I didn't think to look at a clock to time it), and was a lower level work-out in itself on a few occasions. But I prevailed, and it is solid, and looks good! Some of the cheaper ones just looked cheap, and weird. This one isn't quite as substantial as you would find in a higher-quality gym, but it looks like a proper piece of equipment. It looks like it should. Which makes me more inclined to use it!

I have it set up in my front room, near the TV. One of the reasons I wanted a recumbent bike over any other cardio machine is that it is the only one where your head doesn't bob up and down at all while you work. When I have lots of reading to do for class (and I'm a history major, so you'd better believe that extensive reading comes with the territory), I can work on a recumbent bike, but not anything else. Same for reading for pleasure. But, of course, for most workouts, I will be glued to the TV. I have DVR, which is excellent, so I can watch my shows whenever the workout mood strikes me, but I do like to watch things real time when I can. I love being the first to know about new plot developments! So commercial breaks could make for good built in intervals. We'll have to see about that- the intervals in HITT are generally supposed to only be the length of one or two commercials. Some trial and error over the next week, then.

I want to do both planned workouts and just general moving on this bike. HITT and hard, sweat-inducing rides are a must. Tonight, I pulled up George W. Bush's 9/11 Interview on my DVR and biked more than 6 miles, at a pretty consistent 10 mile pace on varying medium-high resistances. That was a pretty solid workout. And I'd like for that to be mostly what I do. But I also love to just watch and watch and watch full seasons of shows in one sitting. So, I want to have the option of not actually sitting. While I don't want it to be my main activity, I want to give myself permission to bike a little slower, on low resistance, sometimes, just to make sure that I'm still moving when I have a marathon TV session. Leave being entirely sedentary for being in class and working on the computer.

Ultimately, I want to put in a solid workout on this bike most days of the week, if not everyday. Even a ten minute HITT session if I'm totally slammed that day. I know you are not supposed to do HITT every single day, so I'll need to stay aware of that.

On the eating front, from this point out:
I've been making plans to be eating healthy this whole while, even if I have been sabotaging myself. I stocked up on whole grains and beans. I am even storing them in a wonderfully mismatched set of mason jars like my favorite bloggers! I made a batch of quinoa, and a batch of Cuban black beans. I made half of the CBB into a really fabulous looking chili. It's all chilling in my fridge right now- I've only had a scoop of the quinoa, in a burrito one morning, and haven't touched the beans or the chili. About half way into the first can of vegetarian refried beans I opened, as well. Tomorrow I'm going all out, though. I've had some of my Kashi a few times, and I'm definitely having a bowl tomorrow. A plate of beans and cheese for a mid-classes snack. Maybe a burrito at lunch, and then the chili and some corn muffins for dinner. I have the makings for a Green Monster, and a block of tofu, but no blender for the GM or makings of a sauce for the tofu.

I do have a food processor, which is excellent. It's huge, not like the wonderful 3-cup one we have at home, and certainly not as nice. But it should do for making falafel, hummus, and pesto, and for blending soups until I get a blender. I have my eye on a $50 Ninja one. It gets fabulous reviews for not being a Vitamix or a Blendtec, but is still reasonably affordable. I want one that really pulverizes the spinach in my GMs.

Shopping list: fixings for peanut sauce, sweet chili sauce, blender, parsley for falafel, lemons for falafel and hummus, basil for pesto, walnuts for pesto. And a new garlic press! We bought a $5 one, and it broke on the 2nd clove. I saw the nice one we use at home at TJMaxx for less than $10, so I'm going back for it. I love doing fresh-pressed garlic. Don't get me wrong, I still keep the minced around (darn good thing I did, too, when the press broke on me mid-chili), but I feel so fancy using the press.

The final piece of the puzzle is my weight training, and this is probably what I'm most nervous about. I brought my P90X DVDs, my workout bands, and my workout gloves. No more bugging out because my hands are dying! I have the requisite floor space, a TV, an area rug for the sit-ups, the whole shebang. I'm just a little worried about actually getting myself to do it. I'll keep you updated on that, for better or for worse. I'd better get on it soon, though, or I'll lose everything I gained at Superfit over the summer!

Good Diet = Good Performance

Before I get into the heart of today's post, I just wanted to share some news: I officially kicked off my summer running program. My goal is to be able to pretty solidly run/jog (whichever I tend naturally towards, I guess) 2-3 miles. I'm still deciding this week whether I want to train with the standard Couch to 5k program (7 weeks to be able to walk/run a 5k, or a little over 3 miles) or with this "8 Weeks to Become a Runner" program over at Runner's World (8 weeks to run nonstop for 30 minutes, or a little over 2 miles). One lets me cover more distance, one lets me go for longer times. But regardless of which I end up with, the first week works roughly the same.

Unlike prior attempts at running, this summer I am not just deciding to myself that it would be cool. I have roped in my parents to keep me honest, and I will be printing out my training schedule once I decide on it and posting it in the kitchen, for all to see, crossing off days as I complete them. If I can complete either of these programs by the time I get to San Antonio in late August, I will be prepped and ready to join the half-marathon training group run by my school. Today, I went power-walking with my dad for a good 75 minutes or so, on hilly terrain, with 7 separate jog intervals thrown in. Not by time, but rather by distance. We estimate that the majority were about 100-125 yards, but one was an absolute killer, and included a pretty decent hill. I'm still working on keeping my pace slower but my foot rate quicker, and I experimented with the whole "leaning forward at the ankles" style. It shows definite promise, but it's going to take some getting used to.

So much for a quick update!

What I've really been wanting to get on here and talk about for a few days now is nutrition and work-out recovery. Not in the traditional sense of what to eat immediately following a workout. Rather, how my overall nutrition has affected my ability to recover from workouts.

Though I started making an effort last summer, I didn't really start eating in a totally nutritious manner, focusing on whole foods, until this past month. And despite the fact that on my first day back at Superfit I could barely squeak out reps on Blue, I am now solidly in Red, even on my weaker muscle groups like biceps and chest. I can do the full set of reps, and not be dead the next day. I'm eyeing the calendar for when I want to make the transition into Silver. I've never done Silver, but then I've never had my muscles repairing themselves this quickly.

Beans have been a large part of my focus. Refried beans with melted white cheddar for breakfast, red beans and rice for lunch or as a dinner side, sauteed tofu every which way, Cuban black beans with a little feta on top, hummus (the perfect homemade hummus is still a work in progress), sauteed falafel (nailed it on my first shot, and now it is an essential), burritos, and black bean chilies. Good sources of healthy carbs, protein, and with the exception of the tofu, fiber. All low calorie, as well. I'm not really counting calories as I go, but when I look back to see how I've been doing, I can tell that I'm staying nicely under 1500 most days.

I'm not doing milk much anymore, preferring to drink water with meals and use yogurt for my cereal, but I'm still getting in dairy. As I just said, yogurt features prominently. Still can't stand it plain, unless it is for my tzatziki sauce for my falafel, but vanilla on its own, or mixed with some Kashi Go Lean Crunch. Pretty hooked on Trader Joe's non-fat Greek yogurt right now, but I'm going to need to find an acceptable alternate, because Texas has no Trader Joe's. The nearest one to my university is over 600 miles away. Boo. Also eating small amounts of many different cheeses. Still having love affairs with feta from my time in Greece and goat cheese from my time in Paris, of course. And sometimes when I'm feeling naughty I use my vegetarian parmesan (and white cheddar if it is in the house) to make an alfredo sauce for my whole wheat penne. Made with limited butter, non-fat milk, and whole wheat flour, so I'm not being too horrible, but definitely not a simple pesto or marinara sauce.

Grains are always easy to work in. I finally got a strainer small enough to rinse my quinoa, and it really does make a difference to the taste! It's wonderful now! I'm making up batches of brown rice or quinoa each week to have as a side with my tofu, since I found out that tofu has no fiber (who knew?). Though I bet the sprouted tofu I've seen at Trader Joes does... must investigate. Then, of course, there is whole wheat pasta, corn tortillas, and the occasional healthy whole wheat pancake inspired by the various creations of Angela at Oh She Glows.

I want to work in more vegetables. A few weeks ago I was able to eat some stir-fried carrots and broccoli without the customary gag reflex (pretty much entirely a mental thing). I've asked my dad to help me learn how to do it myself. I'm also aggressively attacking my issue with onions (they make that horrid squeaking sound in your ear when you bit into them) by adding them to as many recipes as I can find. Raw but processed in my falafel, and whole but sauteed in my Cuban black beans. And more Green Monsters. I just want to figure out a way to do so that keeps the amount of beans, grains, nuts, and yogurt that I am enjoying in my diet right now, and the right amount of calories to give me enough energy to continue moving up in my weights. Especially now that I am adding in cardio to my non-Superfit days. I will have a slight increased need for calories, but I don't think I will actually need to increase my intake much at all.

From my small binge last week, I learned that I actually have significantly decreased my stomach size, or whatever else it is that causes you to feel full at various quantities of food. When I was bingeing horribly in France, I could pack away a disturbingly large portion of food before I felt it. Last week, it was easily half that before I had to take a "I feel sick" pause. I'd like to not alter that with added consumption of vegetables. So it's something to consider.

But, point being: being fit is so much easier when you are fueling right! Letting your body recover and build strong new systems with the right nutrients feels wonderful and speeds up improvement. Something to remember for the future, when I am tempted to stray into packaged meals and all white food and the like.

Binge Danger Zones

This morning I made a sort of mash-up between the Healthy Spelt Pancakes for One and the Spiced Up and Stacked Pancakes by OhSheGlows, which I've been wanting to do for a while. Basically, unsweetened almond milk, whole wheat flour, and some spices. I barely made it halfway through, and these are supposed to be single serving. Just dense, perhaps? I alternated between two different syrups. One, my perennial favorite, standard thick sugary syrup. The other, I decided to dress up some pure maple syrup with some PB2. I'm not a huge fan yet of pure maple syrup on its own, but once I let these two combine, it was magic. Any thoughts on how maple syrup would fare on a hot skillet? Because I feel like this combo would be a wonderful marinade for my sauteed tofu.

As I said, I've been wanting to make these for several weeks, but I've been putting it off because, no matter how healthy they might actually be, it's hard to feel like I'm staying on track when I'm eating pancakes! But this morning, I decided they might actually be a proactive, preventative necessity. I've got some extended periods to myself coming up for the next few days, that I have known about for some time. All week, as they approached, I found that little voice in the back of my head excitedly planning all of the uninterrupted bingeing I could do. Some of this is latent habit- in previous times of living with people, I have always taken "advantage" of large chunks of solitude, because I don't have to worry about hiding my food. [A key part of binge eating, by the way- shame about eating, so you eat in secret, hidden places. You know when you take a candy bar or cookie into a bathroom stall that you have a problem] I also have had the binge urge creeping up a lot in the past week or so. I slightly gave into it over the weekend, when I talked a friend into making a whole batch of cookie dough, but I didn't go whole hog. I ate to the point of feeling uncomfortable, yes, but then I stopped. Normally, I go through about three cycles of eating to the point of serious discomfort, waiting about ten minutes until it fades, and then re-gorging to discomfort, etc. etc. So, perhaps this was a mini-binge? Or maybe this was just they way normal people overeat. That would be exciting.

So the pancakes this morning were to feel indulgent and maybe even a bit naughty, but while still being healthy. Hopefully, this will help me hold off a run to the local grocery later today. I'm also considering finally having some Top Ramen again- this is one of my biggest comfort foods (only Oriental flavor, eaten chopped up and scooped onto Wheat Thins), but is pretty much nothing but empty carbs. And if I'm not going to give up grain carbs like all of the weight loss programs suggest, then I at least need to be eating whole grain carbs. But maybe, when I'm in such a vulnerable state, eating unhealthy but portion-controlled will be the key? Or should I try powering through on just super healthy stuff? I'm worried about that backfiring right now. It hasn't been a problem for the past month, but I'm worried about getting to my last alone session and panicking over the end of a chance to eat poorly and loading up on cake and chips in one huge binge session.

Still working on that.

Cheat Days- The Dilemma

I am running into a problem with my cheat days. You are supposed to allow yourself one a week, under pretty much any reasonable eating plan. In times past, I would usually be on the eating plan for maybe a day, then suddenly give into temptation and call it my cheat day, then never really get back on the plan. This time, I'm sticking to the plan. But I keep putting off the cheat day.

Maybe my problem is I'm not sure if I'm on the plan enough to warrant it. I allow myself some popcorn and peanut M&Ms when I go to the movies. We ate out one night, and I got a four-cheese pasta dish. I'm eating reasonable portions of all of this, and I can tell I am already starting to slim down, but is it enough for a cheat day? The nutritional science would seem to indicate that one pizza in an otherwise healthy and properly portioned diet doesn't affect the body much- it's the repeated consumption in a relatively short space, or a bad diet over time. I have fallen to both such habits in the past. I think I'm dealing with a slight fear of the cheat day. What if it wipes out my gains of the past week? After all, doesn't every little bit this week add up to a gain or loss next week? Alternately, the fear of repeating previous failures. What if it signals the end of the diet to my habit-trained brain?

I think maybe I'm still working through the ideas of how I eat while I'm still trying to get to my healthy weight versus how I hope to eat for the rest of my life. I think right now, I'm eating in maintenance mode, not loss mode. Now, of course, because I'm "maintaining" a smaller figure, I am still losing weight, just at a different rate.

I guess it comes down to this: as long as my diet is clean, healthy, and properly proportioned all around, is it better to allow myself small regular indulgences, as they come up and at my discretion, or one scheduled day of guilt-free indulgence to look forward to on a weekly basis?

I Don't Want to be Ruled by my Food

I suffer from binge eating disorder. Have I ever mentioned that? I haven't gone back to check, but I rather doubt it. I've only ever told a few people in my life, when I decided to seek treatment. I never fully beat it, though, as my time was cut short by summer vacation, and I just never went back.

Take right now, for instance. You know how all of those "stop emotional eating" articles say that cravings go away after 10-20 minutes? I've been battling an insane craving for chips and chocolate (pretty much my go-to binge for several years now, though certainly not the only one) for hours now. Not because I keep myself from having grease or chocolate- I caved an ordered a pizza last night, and pretty much live on Nutella. And I'm actually doing better on social/emotional fronts, so it's not entirely emotional eating, either. I think a lot of it has to do with my pending vacation to Greece, where I know I will be sitting around in a bikini. Just another overweight American wearing far less than they should in Europe. Oh joy. Focusing on the fact that I am overweight just tends to lead to behaviors that continue to make/keep me overweight.

With this particular binge, I can tell that one of two things is going to happen: I'm going to hold out until the stores close (and they close early in this country), and feel a little bit virtuous but mainly denied, or I'm going to give in shortly and go down to the store and stock up. This will lead to elation, guilt, shame, feelings of being gross, feelings of pleasure, happiness that I indulged myself, and disgust that I gave in and am once again stuffing my face.

I have to say, the later is sounding more and more like the possibility. I'm getting really cranky.

I really hate this. I am a smart person. With drinking, smoking, it is so easy not to start. And whenever I think of someone who is hooked on drugs or hooked on anything else like that, I think, why don't they just go cold turkey? Why don't they just... not go for the bad stuff anymore? Yes, there will be some cravings, but you know it is killing you/illegal/what not, so just... don't!

Isn't that hypocritical of me? Recent studies are showing that binge foods, particularly sugar, actually have the same addictive qualities as cocaine. And just not going for it? Not so much with the actually happening in my life!

There is something to be said for overall diet with regard to bingeing as well. [P.S. I can already tell I'm going to go get the chips. My heart rate is actually speeding up because the stores close in 45 minutes and every minute I spend on this blog post is getting me closer and closer to missing out on the stupid chips] When I'm eating healthier overall, I binge less. It doesn't cut it out, but it's there. When I'm living on whole grains and hummus and chia and beans and the like, I get really caught up mentally in eating super well, and binges happen with a startlingly lower frequency. They still definitely happen, but it at least gives me hope that when I get back into treatment in the fall (which I finally accepted that I really need to do just a week or so ago), I'll be able to sort of work off of that. If I can get to a place where I am bingeing less, maybe it will be easier to distinguish the exact cause of the bingeing, since it won't be muddled with mere habit and general poor eating habits.

And you want to know the weird part? When I'm not on a binge, I actually naturally feel full at small portions. People always think I don't like my food, when in reality, I have eaten to the point of fullness. Maybe it's just my body compensating, I don't know. It's not a mental thing, where I'm consciously trying to diet the rest of the time to compensate.

Who knows.

*insert swear word of choice*. I'm off to the store.

P.S. Could someone get on the food authority people to please come up with a better name than Binge Eating Disorder? It makes it sound like it's just a lack of willpower, and a gross one at that, rather than an actual disorder. And trust me, people, it is an eating disorder.