Home Again

I'm back, and it's time to kick this into high gear. I decided while in Iceland to dedicate my summer to two goals that I have had for a long long time: finish my writing, and get healthy/in shape.

Opening Stats:
Weight: 166.8 
   This is not as much of a net gain as I was worrying I would find upon my return from Paris. Accounting for general weight fluctuations, I estimate between 5-10lbs. I was starting to dip below 160 right before I left for Paris, but it wasn't consistent yet.  
Resting Heart Rate: 93 bpm
   Probably not an entirely accurate number, since I've been up, walking and eating and drinking ice water, for over an hour, and of course because I took it with my fingertips on my wrist, not with a sensor. But it seems about right.
Pant Size: Generous 14
   Bleck. At least I haven't popped back up into a size 16 like that one horrible two month period back in 2009. But closer to moving up a size than moving down a size.


Ultimate Goal Stats:
Weight: 130 and fit
Resting Heart Rate: 60 bpm
Pant Size: 6


First Goalpost Stats:   For June 15, 2011 (two weeks from now)
Weight: 158
Resting Heart Rate: 90
Pant Size: 12


Other Stats I Would Like to Collect:
Heart rate after a 10-minute mile
Heart rate after an 8-minute mile
Time to run a mile with a heart rate under 166 (apparently my target long-distance heart rate)
Body fat percentages
Inches measurements


This morning has started out much as I want most mornings to. I've been planning this for months, since relatively early on in Paris, so it was exciting to finally do it.

1. The first thing in my body was a glass of wonderfully cold water from the fridge filter. At some point ideally I will be able to add in a little lemon juice, because the alkalizing effect on the body and liver and what have you is suppose to be very healthy and excellent for the metabolism. But the cold water itself isn't too shabby! 
2. Second thing in the body is a source of healthy fats, which helps to keep the glycemic index from spiking throughout the day, and especially throughout the immediately following meal. Again, good for health and metabolism. I've been choosing nuts, though this morning, sadly, all I could find in the house were walnuts- definitely not my favorites. They are kind of waxy and look like brains. But I chowed down on a large one anyway, and I'll just make sure we get some almonds and maybe some cashews in the house when my mom and I go grocery shopping this weekend. 
3. Third thing: a properly portioned meal of protein without any grain or starch-type carbs. This morning, I tried out a small plate of vegetarian refried beans with some Cougar Gold melted over the top. It was incredible. I tried the beans and cheese thing once up in Scotland, after a particularly long hike, and it was fine but nothing exciting. I was using a little single-serving tin of spicy vegetarian refried beans, and some shredded mozzarella. Fine, but definitely something I was eating because it was good for me and palatable, not because it was yummy. This morning, highly yummy. Cougar Gold kind of rocks my world. Breakfast was warm and tangy and oh-so-flavorful. Plus, you know, good for me. I saw Trainer Bob talk about using your fists to gage the proper portion size for your carbs and proteins in a meal, so I spooned a slightly generous single fist onto my plate. I'm thinking now that since I'm not including carbs, I should probably allow the full meal serving of two fists, because it seems to have stimulated my appetite rather than sated it. Probably having a small handful of almonds instead of one walnut will help, and maybe I'll make it the serving size I would have if I had normal sized hands (mine aren't bizarrely small, but they are often as small or smaller than the hands of those ridiculously petite and small-boned girls we all know. I am not one of these girls). 

Some things to add to this morning:

1. Interval runs up my hill. I live at the base of an extremely steep hill. I want to do speed bursts up this hill 3 times, multiple times a week, waiting for my heart rate to subside a bit before charging up again. Studies show that going absolutely all out for short intervals and then taking decent rest periods in between is just as, if not more effective than consistent medium effort at building endurance and burning calories. This should aid both parts of my goal this summer- endurance for getting healthy (and that hike), and extra calorie burn for losing weight and shaping up. 
2. Vegetables. I want to aggressively attack my problem with vegetables this summer. I tried zucchini in Scotland, and I've been lightly poking around spinach and broccoli for a while now. I want to go full force with spinach- Green Monsters and baked spinach everywhere you look! Also really excited to try kale chips, and I've got my mom on board, so it's happening. 
3. Lemons in my water, green tea, water bottle, etc. I want to be so hydrated it is crazy. Lemons in the water and green tea both have positive effects on the metabolism, and I'd like a dedicated water bottle that I can carry with my everywhere. But for this morning, lugging around a little glass on a coaster will suffice. 
4. Some additional form of exercise: yoga, push-up routine, AbRipperX, etc. What this is will largely depend on how recently we worked what at SuperFit. e.g. If it is the morning after a day of mat abs, AbRipperX would be both painful and counterproductive. But if I know we are on a schedule of only working the chest on Mondays, and it's Thursday, then a push-up routine would fit in nicely and not jeopardize my ability to do well in Superfit the next day. I suspect yoga videos that stream on Netflix and free ones from the yoga download site place will make frequent appearances. 

I know this seems like a lot. And it is. But I think it needs to be. I'm so sick and tired of feeling run down and yucky. I want to run my darn marathon. I want to knock somebody's socks off in a bikini. I have no job or internship this summer- this is my work. I will write, and I will shrink my size and lengthen my life. This is my job this summer. And hopefully in going about it, I will build some life-long habits that will make this a permanent change. 

Quick Turnaround on a Quick Tour

It's interesting how much my body really wants to be healthy. I guess it makes sense, from an evolutionary standpoint. I've been hiking the Scottish Highlands for the past 5 days, and I really do mean hiking. Lots of elevation, clambering on rocks, jumping off things. I'm really seeing how far I've let myself slip in Paris, and how much work I have to do to be ready for that bachelorette party hike. The fact that I'm now stationed in Edinburgh will help with that- this city is nothing but HILLS. Crazy hills. I was going to change into basic flats now that I'm city-bound again, but I think I'm going to stick with my Vibrams so that I don't find excuses to stay on level ground.

In addition to all of the walking and climbing, I'm also eating less often, and making a bit more of an effort to eat well. In the UK, they have many more foods that are closer to my American style of healthy eating- lots of beans, whole wheat and whole grain products, raw nuts rather than salted and roasted and smoked and the like, etc. Plus, the hostels have all had kitchens with fridges. Don't get me wrong, I've still been plenty naughty, but just five days of a slightly altered eating style and more movement, and my cheeks have hollowed out again.

I actually found refried beans on the remote island of Skye. It was a teeny 100 or 200 gram can, and they were spicy (really spicy!), but they were refried beans! I spread them out on a plate and melted some mozzarella cheese on top, until the edges were crispy. Heaven. This is what I'm planning on doing frequently for breakfast once I'm back home in the US. With regular refried beans (maybe even of my own making, if I get really into it) and a cheddar-jack blend, most likely, but the same general thing. I had them for lunch after a particularly extensive hike on Sunday.

It's odd how I get so much more of a mental buzz out of feeding myself nutritiously than I do out of giving in to a binge, yet binges still run my life to a certain extent. Still, over the past few days, I am seeing even more how healthy habits build on themselves. When I am out and being active and eating healthier, I get on a roll. I can't tell you how many times I tried to buy tofu during our travels this weekend. No one had it! Amazingly, the only tofu I found for sale was in a little remote town of 300 that takes over 90 minutes of traveling, via bus and ferry, to get to. They sold both tofu and vegetarian sweet chile sauce! I didn't get it there, because we weren't going to be cooking for ourselves that day, but I'm betting now that I'm back in Edinburgh I can find some. Even if the major shops don't have it, apparently there is an Asian market here. I am so psyched about the sweet chile sauce! I'd found a recipe to make my own, but the stuff in the bottle looks just like the stuff at my favorite restaurants. Also hoping that one of the Thai restaurants here serves my favorite appetizer (the tofu with the chile sauce), unlike the one in Iverness, which oddly had corn fritters instead of tofu (very delicious corn fritters, but not what I was hoping for).

Something really cool about European foods, as much as I miss my American foods: they are labeled "Suitable for vegetarians and vegans" (or sometimes just vegetarians) when applicable! No more scouring the label, wondering if they forgot to mention that the cheese is made with animal rennet, or if gelatin goes by any other name. In France, obviously, this label is much harder to come by, but up here in Scotland I'm finding it on most everything I think to look at.

Going to go walk the Royal Mile today, and probably do a little shopping. But I'm going to do it in my VFFs, and I am going to throw in a few hills. There's nothing like powering up a huge, endless hill to make me realize how out of shape I'm in, and know that I'm definitely doing something about it!

When I get back home in the US, I think I'm going to do hills every day. It won't actually be a big deal- I live right at the base of an extremely steep hill. It's not huge, but if every morning I speed up it three times, that will do so much for my endurance. If I want a huge hill, about a 20 minute walk from my house (up moderate hills) is an absolutely gigantic one. I always am wildly impressed when I see a biker attempting it. But just stick to the healthy eating, my Superfit, and adding in that little hill each morning. I'm getting giddy just thinking about it. Also still really hoping I can convince the parents to get a recumbent stationary bike off of Craigslist...

But first, Edinburgh.

I Don't Want to be Ruled by my Food

I suffer from binge eating disorder. Have I ever mentioned that? I haven't gone back to check, but I rather doubt it. I've only ever told a few people in my life, when I decided to seek treatment. I never fully beat it, though, as my time was cut short by summer vacation, and I just never went back.

Take right now, for instance. You know how all of those "stop emotional eating" articles say that cravings go away after 10-20 minutes? I've been battling an insane craving for chips and chocolate (pretty much my go-to binge for several years now, though certainly not the only one) for hours now. Not because I keep myself from having grease or chocolate- I caved an ordered a pizza last night, and pretty much live on Nutella. And I'm actually doing better on social/emotional fronts, so it's not entirely emotional eating, either. I think a lot of it has to do with my pending vacation to Greece, where I know I will be sitting around in a bikini. Just another overweight American wearing far less than they should in Europe. Oh joy. Focusing on the fact that I am overweight just tends to lead to behaviors that continue to make/keep me overweight.

With this particular binge, I can tell that one of two things is going to happen: I'm going to hold out until the stores close (and they close early in this country), and feel a little bit virtuous but mainly denied, or I'm going to give in shortly and go down to the store and stock up. This will lead to elation, guilt, shame, feelings of being gross, feelings of pleasure, happiness that I indulged myself, and disgust that I gave in and am once again stuffing my face.

I have to say, the later is sounding more and more like the possibility. I'm getting really cranky.

I really hate this. I am a smart person. With drinking, smoking, it is so easy not to start. And whenever I think of someone who is hooked on drugs or hooked on anything else like that, I think, why don't they just go cold turkey? Why don't they just... not go for the bad stuff anymore? Yes, there will be some cravings, but you know it is killing you/illegal/what not, so just... don't!

Isn't that hypocritical of me? Recent studies are showing that binge foods, particularly sugar, actually have the same addictive qualities as cocaine. And just not going for it? Not so much with the actually happening in my life!

There is something to be said for overall diet with regard to bingeing as well. [P.S. I can already tell I'm going to go get the chips. My heart rate is actually speeding up because the stores close in 45 minutes and every minute I spend on this blog post is getting me closer and closer to missing out on the stupid chips] When I'm eating healthier overall, I binge less. It doesn't cut it out, but it's there. When I'm living on whole grains and hummus and chia and beans and the like, I get really caught up mentally in eating super well, and binges happen with a startlingly lower frequency. They still definitely happen, but it at least gives me hope that when I get back into treatment in the fall (which I finally accepted that I really need to do just a week or so ago), I'll be able to sort of work off of that. If I can get to a place where I am bingeing less, maybe it will be easier to distinguish the exact cause of the bingeing, since it won't be muddled with mere habit and general poor eating habits.

And you want to know the weird part? When I'm not on a binge, I actually naturally feel full at small portions. People always think I don't like my food, when in reality, I have eaten to the point of fullness. Maybe it's just my body compensating, I don't know. It's not a mental thing, where I'm consciously trying to diet the rest of the time to compensate.

Who knows.

*insert swear word of choice*. I'm off to the store.

P.S. Could someone get on the food authority people to please come up with a better name than Binge Eating Disorder? It makes it sound like it's just a lack of willpower, and a gross one at that, rather than an actual disorder. And trust me, people, it is an eating disorder.

Zen in Paris

I have finally found my zen with my situation for the rest of the semester. I am not going to feel guilty about eating lots of bread. After all, in two months, I will no longer have fresh, truly French French bread 30 seconds from my house. I've also found teeny little single serving cans of lentils, and of spaghetti sauce, so I will just pop open a few of those each week to make sure I am getting in nutrients.

Upon my return to Seattle, I am going to distract myself from my breadless state by instead going full force with all of the foods I have been wanting to eat here. You know, foods that they don't sell here, or, most importantly, that REQUIRE A REFRIGERATOR. Never again. NEVER again will I live without a refrigerator. To put it succinctly, and a little crudely, it blows.

Spring (and practically summer) has finally come to Paris, and with it my last excuse for not getting out and running has flown the coop. My little sleeveless workout shirt is going to do just fine. And I saw someone out in Vibrams (probably a tourist, but still), so I know that it isn't unheard of here. Plus, it is light so much later! Until 9pm, basically, and it's only going to keep getting lighter.

I have been consistent at doing push-ups, though I have fallen off the schedule. Now that I've switched to really truly proper form, with my chest between my hands, it is SO MUCH HARDER. I think I need to accept the inevitable and start the 6-Week program over, at whatever level I am at with the truly proper form.

Walking more now that I have flats, randomly doing walking lunges and ab workouts in my room. It's getting alittle harder to get in all of my water now that it is getting warmer (and this room refuses to let out heat), but it's going pretty well, all in all.

Still, need to make a point to start sharing the brie with other people, so I don't go through an entire wedge by myself in one hour....

Six Weeks

Definitely not feeling as strong with my push-ups this week. I wonder if I am shifting into better form, and this is why? I'm being hyper-vigilant to have my chest stay between my hands, instead of behind them. I guess I don't know my physiology very well (right word?)- I would have assumed that having hands forward would use my weaker shoulder muscles more than my chest muscles. Maybe my having my hands directly under me, I'm targeting my triceps more?

Still, all shaking and griping and weakness aside, I still managed Day Two of Week Three today- a total of 70 push-ups in under 10 minutes! And all with really good form. I tried a few different times to get more than the minimum required 19 on my max reps, but I could never complete it with good form, so it stays at 19.

Did a LOT of walking over our weekend in the South of France, and have confirmed that I am definitely nowhere near ready for the bridesmaid hike this August. Five months to whip this girl into shape! Tomorrow on my way back from classes I am going to run into GoSport to grab a cheap long-sleeved exercise shirt. It's not about needing the right equipment (though I am sorely lacking in any cold weather exercise gear), it's about removing all of the excuses that I use to keep me inside and sedentary. I'm going to start the Couch-to-5K plan this week. I think it's a 6 week course, just like the push-ups.

Six weeks is a good amount of time for these sort of things, I realized recently. Think about it:

1. Week One: Yay! You completed the first week! You are on your way.
2. Week Two: Wow, you are already a third of the way done! Way to go!
3. Week Three: Half way. You are really doing it!
4. Week Four: OMG! Two-thirds of the way done! Who would have through you would make it this far?
5. Week Five: Only one week left- what?? When did that happen?
6. Week Six: You did it!!!

Constant gratification. Love it.

On the food front, still being stymied. I got my electric cooler, and it totally does not work. Kind of crushed. It whirs and makes noise, but nada. Even after being constantly on for over 48 hours. Not really sure how to return it, either. It was from Amazon, though, so it should be doable... I should have gone with my initial instinct and just bought a minifridge for 120 euro in the first couple of weeks, so it would have paid for itself multiple times over. Alas. Hindsight. Gotta love it. 

Cold Food is Good Food

I didn't get the fridge, unfortunately, but I decided that I just plain need some form of refrigeration, so I've ordered this funky electric cooler off of Amazon. It should help things last for a few days. It's pretty small, so I'm planning on prioritizing:

• Almond milk
• Emmental cheese
• Opened cans of beans
• Bulk batches of quinoa
• Opened cans of coconut milk
• And finally, overnight oats made in Tupperware

I want to get back on the Five Factor diet (affiliate link) idea. I haven't found any corn tortillas here, which is unfortunate, but I can make my standard burritos sans the tortilla, and still cover my bases. It means I won't have my olive oil for the healthy fat, but there are healthy fats in the beans and the chia, so it should still work out. And I can always eat a few almonds. Maybe if I run through this quinoa fast I might try millet as well. Emily at Daily Garnish speaks highly of it. But, when you factor in Spring Break, I'll actually only be eating in this room another two months, so I shouldn't go out buying anything else just yet!

Starting to worry that my chia might have gone bad. The last few batches of overnight oats I have made have tasted pretty sketchy, like something has spoiled, but the mixture I've been making of oats, crushed cashews, and agave syrup has been fine. I hope my chia hasn't died! It's probably really expensive to ship over here, and I didn't see any in Naturalia.

Push-ups were harder today, but still doable. Also about to go add in some ab work.

As far as actually getting out to run goes, I'm still being a weeny about it. A blog I stumbled across but can't for the life of me remember the name of collected some motivational exercise quotes from her readers, and I noted down a few:

• Pain is weakness leaving the body
• You are just one workout away from a good mood!
• Obsessed is a word the lazy use to describe the dedicated
• I've never regretted a workout
• You know your limit, and this is NOT it!

Hopefully making these a mantra will get me out the door. 

Mini Update: Pushups Make Me Giggle

There is something really exciting about the feeling of blasting up from a push-up. I've never really had the strength to do it before, I guess, but I suspect it's going to be rather addicting. When you start giggling while doing push-ups, you know it's going to your head....

It is possible that I might finally put an end to my horrible fridge-less state- someone in my building is moving out and selling theirs, and I've put a request in. But the notice has been up for a few days, so someone may have already claimed it. Well, here's hoping!